Tuesday, November 14, 2017

Limited Part 2

Originally this post was meant to be a second part about my limited resources, however today's incident hit me right through the soul, and it fits the title perfectly - limited.

Few months ago, I found a little mountain protruding out of my back neck, I consulted the doctor at the dermatologist, she said it was an infection and I was given antibiotic, kurang bengkak and tahan sakit. It disappeared after a week, but I can still feel there's something underneath my skin. Since it didn't give me any trouble I ignored it.

Before I went to China, the mountain came back again and it's more painful than before. Hence I went to the clinic. The doctor said it's a boil or bisul in Malay. I was given the same medication. Disappeared after a week.

Few days ago, the boil got swollen for the third time and this time, 2 more boils surfaced and my finger also got swollen. Mum and I got really worried, we went to the emergency at QE. I told the female malay doctor everything about it. 

You know what's her reply?
She said she can only give me the same thing, antibiotic, pain killer and anti swelling. Her cold unsympathetic look made the situation even worse.

I told her again, I've taken it before, it obviously didn't help. This is the THIRD time for F sake. I told her I need a surgery to remove the tumour thing growing inside my neck.

She said the surgery department won't accept me. She said I don't have any fever, my neck only swells a little bit, and there is no pus (脓). I was shocked to hear that.

So do you mean I need to wait until the thing grow into the size of a golf ball, with pus oozing out everywhere and I get high fever, then you will remove that thing from my neck? I was so effing pissed and frustrated and started to break down.

I asked her, so what if it comes back for the fourth time? Fifth time? 
Then her answer infuriates me to the max.

She said, I've met a similar patient like you, was fifth time, I gave him/her the same thing. The surgery department wouldn't accept.

So am I suppose to just leave it like that? The thing IS STILL INSIDE! I asked her again, boiling inside. 

She didn't reply and started prescribing me my medication. Guess what. Same 3 things.
That damn doctor didn't even bother to touch or have a look at my neck.

I was left speechless at that moment, my eyes burned like hell, tears won't stop dropping.

Looking at the medications, I felt a strong sense of hopelessness. Suddenly I felt so small, I felt so weak, I am a mere human.  I couldn't let my mum take me to the private hospital, even a minor surgery could cost thousands. I couldn't let that happen.

At this point, nothing could help me anymore. Medication is limited, human power is limited. So God came across my mind. 

For the first time in ever, I sit down quietly and deliberately prayed for His hand of healings. . For I have lost faith in human, I didn't know where to look for. I have a debate with myself before, there's no such thing as 100% faith, even when human get sick, we still need to see doctors and medication. For me, seeing a doctor is putting 50% faith on human and the rest on God. So if his power is so almighty, let this sickness prove me wrong. I need a strong testimony to prove that. 

Please pray for me. Let this tumour growing inside my neck be forever gone and never come back.

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