Wednesday, November 25, 2015

It's hard to believe.

I have come to a point where I'm doubting the existence of God. I'm pretty sure they are many Christians out there who are facing this problem right now.

When everything is falling apart in your life, and your long awaited prayer is still not answered, that's where doubt came in.

I've been through so much this year. When I have been hurt really bad, I needed a shoulder to cry on, a warm hug and comforting words to help me get through this, God wasn't there. Apparently, I was told to quote bible verses to comfort myself in times of need. I don't want to memorize verses from a book to console myself. In fact I find it pathetic. I need a real human to be there for me when I have no one else.

I'm angry, disappointed, and downright depressed and yet God can't do any of these.

When your illness miraculously healed, we say it was God's might hand on work.
But when a person dies from that illness, we say God gives and takes.
Everything sounds so justified with God.

In my younger days, I just follow whatever the church member does. They raise their hands, I raise my hands. They say we must join this course and that camp, I joined everything. I never question any of those. They say spread the gospel, I even share it to my 85 year old grandma a few times, who is still a non-believer. They make me believe there's heaven and earth. Non-believer will go to hell. They make me believe that my died relatives will go to hell.

They say listen to God's voice, close your eyes, feel the Holy spirit. How do we know if it's just our own voice. They told me if it's good then it's from God, if it's bad then it's from Satan.
Everything good has to do with God.

If you ask them how to proof the bible is real? They quote a verse from the bible.
If you ask them how to proof God is real? They say faith.
The bible says the earth exist 2000 years ago, but science says otherwise and we see no miracles so far.
The bible says as long as you believe in Jesus, you'll go to heaven, but it also says sins will lead you to hell. All these years, I'm being indifferent and believe all these shit.

You know what, I don't care anymore if there's heaven and hell.

Bible says we are made in his image. But why are there blind, mute, limbless, mentally ill, retard?
Does God changes his appearance when he made these people?
Why does God bless some and some not? Why is God not being fair?

I hate God and religion.
Religion is a total bullshit. It divides us, it took millions of lives, it made us follow ridiculous rules.
It has done more damage than good throughout the history. All these religion books were probably written by a lunatic who is schizophrenic and all of us just blindly believe it.

I don't know what to believe anymore.

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