Friday, November 27, 2015

It's the pressure

A few days ago, the Malaysian were gobsmacked upon hearing the tragic death of a SPM student.

While everyone mocks and blames him for his daft act, I completely understand his situation.

Some are already prancing around when they get 3-4 As, but for students who work our ass off and put 100% effort in preparing our exams, we have that expectation. We want that straight As so bad. No one could fathom the pressure built inside us. That pressure to get good grades so that we can get scholarship, so that we can enter good uni, so that we can have bright future. It's a long heavy chain that leads one to another. It's a heavy burden to bear when you're expected to not only score well, but also achieve that desired goal. We couldn't dare to imagine what if we fail. We couldn't let ourselves down, we couldn't let our parents, teachers, classmates, down. We just couldn't.

Is it wrong to have high expectations from ourselves?
Is it wrong if we wanted to achieve that goal?
Is it wrong if we want a better future?

Hon ye choose not to share with anyone about his feelings. It's a sad thing. He didn't have anyone in his mind whom he can trust to help him. At that point, he's downright disappointed at himself, he's totally depressed, he didn't think that he could score A anymore for add maths paper, he couldn't bear the thoughts of the repercussions of not getting straight As, he couldn't think of anything else, at last he gave up.

If only he's willing to open up that long bottled pressure which is about to explode, if only he knew how to seek help, if only he has the courage to face everything, if only there's someone he's close with could give him a warm hug and say everything is going to be fine at that particular juncture, if only he knew that there are so many other available scholarships out there waiting for him, if only......

Unfortunately it's too late.

Don't blame the dead, he didn't know how to seek help, and you never know what is going on in his mind. Let's just hope that after this incident, parents, teachers and counselors will be more aware of their children/students.

Wednesday, November 25, 2015

It's hard to believe.

I have come to a point where I'm doubting the existence of God. I'm pretty sure they are many Christians out there who are facing this problem right now.

When everything is falling apart in your life, and your long awaited prayer is still not answered, that's where doubt came in.

I've been through so much this year. When I have been hurt really bad, I needed a shoulder to cry on, a warm hug and comforting words to help me get through this, God wasn't there. Apparently, I was told to quote bible verses to comfort myself in times of need. I don't want to memorize verses from a book to console myself. In fact I find it pathetic. I need a real human to be there for me when I have no one else.

I'm angry, disappointed, and downright depressed and yet God can't do any of these.

When your illness miraculously healed, we say it was God's might hand on work.
But when a person dies from that illness, we say God gives and takes.
Everything sounds so justified with God.

In my younger days, I just follow whatever the church member does. They raise their hands, I raise my hands. They say we must join this course and that camp, I joined everything. I never question any of those. They say spread the gospel, I even share it to my 85 year old grandma a few times, who is still a non-believer. They make me believe there's heaven and earth. Non-believer will go to hell. They make me believe that my died relatives will go to hell.

They say listen to God's voice, close your eyes, feel the Holy spirit. How do we know if it's just our own voice. They told me if it's good then it's from God, if it's bad then it's from Satan.
Everything good has to do with God.

If you ask them how to proof the bible is real? They quote a verse from the bible.
If you ask them how to proof God is real? They say faith.
The bible says the earth exist 2000 years ago, but science says otherwise and we see no miracles so far.
The bible says as long as you believe in Jesus, you'll go to heaven, but it also says sins will lead you to hell. All these years, I'm being indifferent and believe all these shit.

You know what, I don't care anymore if there's heaven and hell.

Bible says we are made in his image. But why are there blind, mute, limbless, mentally ill, retard?
Does God changes his appearance when he made these people?
Why does God bless some and some not? Why is God not being fair?

I hate God and religion.
Religion is a total bullshit. It divides us, it took millions of lives, it made us follow ridiculous rules.
It has done more damage than good throughout the history. All these religion books were probably written by a lunatic who is schizophrenic and all of us just blindly believe it.

I don't know what to believe anymore.

Friday, November 20, 2015

My wonderful cards

First of all, I want to thank and praise the Lord for sending an angel (not directly from heaven, but from Facebook) to help me earn some little money from doing things I like to do - making cards!

His name is Edgar Pong. A very successful person. How successful?
Owning a BMW, BenZ and a half a million condo at the age of 26 ONLY!!!!!

He's an insurance agent, a coach, a financial consultant, an author, and now a CEO of his own company - Generation Superstar. He's launching his new program called Pitch2Profit.
If you wanna know how to become successful like him, just click HERE. Your journey to success will begin in a click a way.

Edgar story inspired me, without further hesitation, I joined his program. When we met, he discovered my (very amateur) talent on art. So he ordered 20 cards from me.

So here they are, meticulously handmade Birthday and Christmas pop up cards.
I called them my precious babies.

Handmade Pop Up Christmas Cards

Handmade Pop Up Birthday Cakes

Took me 10 days to finish 20 cards. Only God and my mum knew how much effort I've put into these babies. I've visited more than 1 trip to most of the stationery shops in KK, Kaison as well. Edgar offered me a handsome price for all of these. He said my cards should receive the same amount of value just like how some people are willing to pay millions for a painting. Honestly, not many people appreciate handmade stuff nowadays. Thank you Edgar once again for the offer, I hope your clients like it and appreciate it like we both do.

Tuesday, November 3, 2015



第一次去 MBO看戏,戏院有点小,但至少清洁。不像Center Point,又脏又臭。



我第一次看到宋芸桦的时候是在《等一个人咖啡》,那时候觉得这个人好面熟哦,好像在哪个节目看过。后来想起, 她不是那个和James一起主持《爱玩客》的主持人吗?但是 Google 了一下才发现原来他们完全是两码人!















Monday, November 2, 2015

My Checklist

This is my checklist. Hope to get these all done before due date, which is my death.

So here it is:

1. Work on a cruise ship
2. Have a cruise ship vacation
3. Write a book and publish it
4. Learn latin dance (with my soul mate if available)
5. Have my desired weight
6. Get up close with a celebrity I like and take photos with him/her/them
7. Attend my favorite celebrity concert
8. Travel at least once to overseas (wait, does Labuan count? hehe No.)
9. Learn a new language (Either Korean, Japanese, Thai, French or Spanish)
10. Get healed

What are yours?