Tuesday, August 29, 2017

Kurang Asam dan Pedas

So few weeks ago I met this lady at a seminar, we talked and she seemed like a friendly lady. Once she found out that I was a baker, she immediately suggested that we could be business partner. 

Few days after that, she called me to discuss about the collaboration thing that she told me earlier. I thought, wow, she really meant it. The business collaboration that she proposed sounds very good to me. I was asked to be a baking instructor at her cooking class, she teaches her signature dish, asam pedas, I teach baking stuff. Since it's a business, so why not? There's no reason to say no to money right? I instantly gave her green light. Oh and I call her kak.

After we set the date and everything, kak asked me to do the promotional poster. It seems natural that the younger one should do it right? So I said ok.

I did my first version, she didn't say anything about it but asked me to meet her at a local restaurant with wifi. When we reached the restaurant, she didn't like the seat I choose, too near to the window. She moved to another seat, she felt warm, no air-conditioned. She moved again, now feeling cooler with air-cond, but still complaint saying too noisy. She saw the empty "reserved" area, so she asked the waiter.

Nanti ada event kah? Bising kah? Jam berapa mereka sampai?

After considering for a few minutes, she finally agreed to sit there. When it's time to order our food, She kept asking me what was this, what was that cause she said she can't see even with her spectacles. Hence, I carefully explained everything to her. Finally, she decided to order sweet and sour fish, then she called the waiter.

"Ini ikan ape ye? Ada sayur ke?" She asked.

The waiter quickly inquired about it in the kitchen.

"Pirate fish" The waiter replied.

"Apa? Pirate fish. Ikan apa tu? Apa nama bahasa melayunya?" 
She furthered asked. I was watching in astonishment while sitting beside her.

The waiter went back to the kitchen to ask again.Then came back saying, tidak tau nama melayu.
She kept on pondering as if making her once in a life time decision, she even GOOGLED the fish! OMG! She also kept discussing with me about the type of fish. Finally, she made up her mind.

So the manager found out about this fiasco and hurriedly came out to explain to her that it's not dory fish which she didn't like. It's a good quality sea fish. After being rest assured that she's being served with the highest quality sea fish, she eventually settled down and started to talk about our business. Half an hour wasted on that damn fish.

Apparently she didn't like my first design, so it's okay, nobody likes the first draft anyway. She told me some of her ideas. Then we moved on to figuring out how to manage her 4 facebook accounts. Only God knows how did she came up with so many accounts.

I spent a lot of time explaining to her about facebook things. She even wanted to make a blog, so she mentioned about wanting to go to my house to use my wifi to do it. I didn't give much serious thought about it at first. Luckily I had a gathering after that, or else we could be there until midnight just having social media 101 lesson. She had 2 sons to do it, but instead of asking for their help, she asked this stranger whom she just met for the third time.

I went home and edited the poster, she was not satisfied, I edit again. Still not satisfied,  edit again. 
I was already getting annoyed and anxious. She still didn't like it, so she called me and said wanted to come to my house to do it cause got wifi. I was like WHAT?! Is this kak for real?  We only met each other 3 times! So I told her my house under renovation, no wifi, I used my own limited data to do her poster at another house.

Nevertheless, she still manage to stop by for a while. In the car, she brought her laptop, she asked me to save her version in my USB. Then she SPECIFICALLY instructed me to do this and that. I went home and immediately edited according to her instructions. 

I let her see. STILL not satisfied. WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH THIS WOMAN! So I decided to give her one last chance, I edit it for the one last time. If she still reject, I'm gonna end this whole thing. 

Can you guess what's her reply? You got it. Still not satisfied.

Fudge this shit.

Enough is enough. I straight away message her nicely that I cannot do it for her anymore nor can I be her baking instructor. She called me right after that.

You marah ke? She asked nicely.

Eh Hello siape yang tak marah?! You think I ni sangat senang ke nak balik balik buat kerje untuk kau, U ingat u je yang busy? I pun busy juga. I kene buat order, kene attend event, kene prepare speech, masak, buat kerja rumah, part time writer. U ingat u je yang tak pandai buat, I pun google juga. I belajar sambil buat lah. U mau font yang fancy fancy tu, I memang tak dapat buat. I ni bukan designer pun. I cume seorang baker je. Kak nak cantik cantik, u hire lah professional designer. U ingat I ni boleh hari hari buat poster untuk u?! Edit 8 kali dah, 8 kali! Masih tak puas hati. U nak macam mane?! Poster yang sepatutnya simple simple u jadikan so complicated. Kak kene faham, I work WITH you, not FOR you. I tak ambil gaji buat poster ni tau. Sebenarnya poster ni asalkan ada important infomation, dah lah. Tak payah nak susah susah. Kak tap pernah nampak poster ke?

Of course I didn't type that lah. I don't know where that Semenanjung slang comes from. She is the second women that I've met who is so fussy, demanding, troublesome and thick-skinned. As much as it pained me to end this collaboration, I had to do it. I need to end it for the sake of my sanity. I cannot work people like this. Making the poster alone already gave me such gigantic headache, imagine the future. I don't think I will have my own space after collaborating with her. I can't imagine her inviting herself to my house every now and then just to teach her managing social media, not to mention blogging lagi. Bu tiam oh wei. I'd rather not earn her money than to have my peace of mind. She just crossed that fine line, I couldn't imagine how many lines is she going to cross in the future. She took advantage of my house free wifi, so rich, but so kiamsiap, don't want to install own wifi. 

In the phone, she terus changed her mind saying that she's fine with the last edit. You should have said that a few edits ago. After persuading me for 7 whole minutes on the phone, she finally gave up. It wasn't easy for me to stay assertive on my side. I'm not good at rejecting people. So I wanna applaud myself for bravely doing that. The moment I hit the send button, my hands were shaking with sweat you know. Heart racing and pounding as if I'm running away from a predator. It was nerve-wrecking!

Now that everything is settled, I felt a sudden relief, the big boulder on my shoulder had disappeared for good. My psychologist said I either continue to work with her or accept the way she is. 还是一刀两断最好,快打斩乱麻,以免未来无法自拔。

I think this is my first post using three languages.

Lesson learnt, not every open door leads to golden opportunity. Sometimes, when something sounds too good to be true, there's a catch behind it. Usually a price to pay. In this case, my sanity. Be careful when choosing a business partner, know their personality, their standards, their way of doing things before finally saying yes. Some money are better left not earned, or else you'll earn yourself a huge pain in the ass.

Monday, August 14, 2017

感恩感恩

不知不觉,我们住在这间小公寓已经一个月了,时间过得好快。

由于家里进行大装修,所以我们得找另一个栖息地。
非常侥幸的,我爸爸的妹妹有间小公寓在附近,让我们一家人有个地方暂时安顿下来。
感恩感恩!

刚开始住进去的时候很不习惯,很讨厌,其实到现在还是不怎么喜欢。
厕所小,厨房小,房间小,对于我们这整家大只佬来说简直是煎熬。
做什么都很不方便,尤其是冲凉,手脚一直碰壁,真麻烦!
很幸运的的是,我们家在低楼,所以免得上下电梯。
之前还埋怨我的家很小,但比起这个小公寓,我的家算是宫廷了。
感恩感恩!

还有,一间屋子只有一个停车位,所以只能申请一张入门卡给一辆车。
每一次进出都要刷卡,非常麻烦。没有卡的又要被质问,管理层非常不好。
后来,那些保安也不理这么多了,干脆叫那些没有卡的从另一个入口进去。
我们非常侥幸公寓前面有个空停车位,应该没有车的屋主所属的。
让我们第二辆车有个地方安顿。
感恩感恩!

我妈妈说她从来都不喜欢住公寓,很久很久以前有想过买Beverly Hills, 但一直犹豫。后来非常庆幸看到Putatan这间排屋,风景漂亮,便宜又不用10% deposit。所以直接买了下来。1999年的价钱是RM90,000而已。比上不足比下有余,虽然比不上有钱人的大豪宅,但有一间舒舒服服的屋子住就要谢天谢地了。
感恩感恩!

说到屋子,现在一间小小的公寓都要RM300,000起跳,我们这些年青人如何买得起啊?!

不知不觉,我们在这个Putatan家住了整整十年。
十年前,我们只用了RM20,000装修,RM5,000买所有的家具。
RM5,000?! 你没听错。
当时,我们就只是用了RM5,000买一套沙发,一套饭桌,厨房柜,电视柜,我的一个单人床和父母一套双人床(还包括两个衣柜和化妆柜)。
回想起来,还真是要感恩感恩!

由于家里没有小孩,所以我们的家具都保养得非常好。我们的沙发已经捐给大舅。
剩下电视柜和橱柜要卖掉,有兴趣可以联络我哦!


电视柜,99.99%完好,RM300,价钱有的商量。


橱柜,80%完好,RM300,价钱可以商量。

现在,只是厨房柜就要RM14,000!!! 吓死人!
没办法,妈妈很久就想要内置(built-in)的橱柜,看起来更美观,实用,加上要用好的材料,所以才会那么昂贵。

十年了,屋子到处都是蹂躏,这里漏水,那里穿洞,电线又 sot 下 sot下,所以才想要一次过翻新,修复,upgrade整个家。以前为了省钱,请了一些kopi o 的电线佬来拉线,怎知道问题一大堆。拆下天花板才发现原来那个菲律宾人的“杰作”简直是一塌糊涂,乱赛龙!一切必须从新拉过,荷包又出血。说到荷包,其实这次我们有机会进行大装修还是要多谢爸爸。
再次感恩感恩!


拆下天花板,露出凌乱的电线。


厨房大改造。

妈妈说可能还要一个月,由于爸爸的工人礼拜天才得空,所以进度非常慢。
好像回家。。。。。。
希望这个kopi o 的室内设计师不会让你们失望,科科!
做好了,肯定会请你们来家里做客!

Monday, July 24, 2017

Science VS Christianity

Science and Christianity are two very contradicting subject and if you were to to argue with one another, there would be an unending debate.

There are many things in the bible that couldn't be explained in science. For example, the parting of the sea, water turned into wine and most of all the Resurrection of Jesus. There's no scientific evidence of these things, and we cannot perform any of the magical bible incidents today. If not, the whole earth would be drenching with free wine everyday, which now I think about, it's not a good thing. 

Science on the other hand, has a comprehensive and detailed proven method to prove something, and it's reliable because it can be done and witness many times. Nevertheless, in some cases science without testimony would be pure waste. Beauty products for instance, no matter how much science try to prove it useful, if there's no testimonies from the users, others won't be convinced to buy your product. So you'll need both to be a strong and persuasive marketer.

While science has evidence and properly recorded procedures to prove itself, Christianity has nothing, all it has was testimony. Yet millions have claimed that they experience the wonderful grace and mercy of God. I myself have a few too. And that's why I still believe in God, but not going to church or read the bible. Because going to church means I have to accept the entire bible, which is contradicting by itself and also accepting the other ridiculous things they do.

I used to follow everything in the bible. I followed what my church members did. Some of the things they did I find it ridiculous, and yet I still follow, most probably because of peer pressure. It's a psychological effect called social conformity. Everyone was doing it, it would be odd if you didn't. They told me to speak in tongue which is just saying out random meaningless words. They asked me to prophesy, I saw cupcakes when I closed my eyes, most probably I was hungry or yearning for cupcakes at that time. I was taught that spreading the gospel is every Christian's duty, and I did, I shared with a few strangers and my popo.

All of these ideas were planted in my head every week I went to church. The interesting part is once these idea had been planted, it would grow and grow stronger. No matter how ridiculous it may sound. These deeply rooted ideas had cause some of the christian communities to view things only from their perspective. I once had a conversation with a few church member about gay issues, they straight away refuted my point without understanding the scientific fact which I was about to share with them. A vital concerning social matter turned into a subjective topic. 

I'm not saying that I fully support the LGBT, but at least I'll try to understand the whole concept. I accept facts from science and discuss it with an open heart. Not just strictly shut away people's findings and all that. Getting ridiculed and treated unequally by the society have caused many LGBT to suffer from mental illness, that's why I'm very into this issue. I always wonder how does a Christian psychologist stay objective while attending to their patients? Speaking of objective, I have met a psychiatrist who shared the quran verses with me once, she even encouraged me to read the quran.

By the way, a recent incident about a transgender male who gave birth to a child shocked the whole world. I was thinking, if you wanted to be a man, why still give birth? Are you the father or the mother? So yeah, all I can say is the world is getting more and more chaotic. All we can do now is pray.

Some Christians says you can only stand on one side, some even gone to the extend that you don't need medication to heal, this is not right by the way. However, they didn't realize that while standing firm on the belief of Christianity, they are also accepting science at the same time, wearing a glasses for instance, that was actually a prescription for your eyes.

Science has become part of our lives, without science we cannot survive. At the same time, we need a belief, Christianity for example, helps us to stay to the core of our moral values as well as giving us a sense of security. Whether or not there's a God, believing in something mighty can psychologically helps you to feel secure. There are a lot of things science cannot control. For instance, when you're in a plane, science convinced you that it is safe, but a prayer will lead you to believe that you ARE safe. Science and Christianity can exists together concurrently. Many famous scientists are Christians. Isaac Newton, Galileo and Pascal were fine examples. 

Christian haters, especially the LGBT communities, not all Christians are homophobic, some of us are not as rigid as a raw spaghetti. Despite some flaws in the bible, it has good teachings too. Some verses are encouraging and lifting. As for the atheist, have you ever wondered why our planets never collide with each other but there are car accidents everyday? That's because men invented the the road while God created the universe.

Christians out there, when a depressed person reveals to you about their problems, please don't just plainly shove down verses into their throat. Sometimes when a person is depressed, he or she might lose faith in everything, including God. So sometimes it's better to listen, and maybe give a warm hug if you're right beside them. You can also say a simple sentence like this:"I understand that you're going through a lot of pain right now, thanks for sharing it with me."  

I stopped going to church because at some point of my life I lost faith, but I still couldn't get rid of God. The idea of God has been deeply ingrained inside me, it was like a magical flame, every time it dies, it will reignite itself. Talking about magic, can't wait for J.K.Rowling two new upcoming books.

All I wanna say that I'm now more open to many possibilities. Perhaps the prophecy was right, I'm baking right now, but baking is not my ultimate goal, I have something bigger in mind that I wanna achieve one day.  

God bless everyone.

Sunday, July 23, 2017

Moving on

Along the journey, I've learnt so many things. However, there is one pivotal lesson that I've yet to master - Moving On.

If there is a hypothesis for this life lesson, I would call it "The longer you dwell on your past, the longer you're stuck and cannot move on."

Here's a good example. I happened to meet an old millionaire living far inside the kampung area, don't play play oh, kampung people can also be a millionaire. He owns a few acres of fruit plantation including durians. So this chatty ah pak and I were talking and I found out that he's also the owner of an electrical repair company. He mentioned that he also has repaired ovens, I got excited because I have always wanted an oven, a convection oven. So I asked him for the address, but I couldn't understand as I'm not good with maps and roads. So I asked my mum to listen to him.

After we bought some really cheap dalit durian from him, we headed back and ready to find this repair company. However, when we hit the road, my mother said she didn't actually get the direction, so we ended up winding around Bundusan area with minimal information that I got. So I told my mum I got frustrated and upset as we lost an opportunity to find cheap oven. We have walked into so many kitchenware and electrical shops, the price of the oven was way way over our budget, some German or Italy brand one can go up to RM4000++. I was not willing to let my mum spend that amount of money on my convection oven. So I sat in the car, feeling woebegone, lost my mood for my next event, 

Then we came across a kitchenware shop at Taman Fortuna. Thank God Praise the Lord Hallelujah Amen! I erupted into sheer joy when we found an affordable convection oven, a kitchen hood and a stove! All three things are Elba brand and under RMM4000. Only God knows how jubilant I was, everything under our budget! Seriously, we have walked into so many kitchenware shops, this is the cheapest by far. By the way, if you want to search for cheaper lighting shop, go for K2. I found some other lighting shop, they sell the same thing for a triple price. 

So how did I move on? 
I've learnt that I need an assurance(sometimes double or more) or someone to blame if it's their fault (or so I think). It was only until my mum apologized that she didn't remember the direction, then I can move on a bit. Then I finally let go of the entire thing when I found the cheaper brand new oven. 

So here's the thing that I've learnt. Whenever I meet a speed bump, instead of stepping my own accelerator and get over with it, I need someone to remove that speed bump for me. Like this case, an apology and a durian runtuh or great deal. 

Just yesterday morning, I found out that I wasn't suppose to reveal something on social media. But I did, so this friend kindly requested me to remove it as it was confidential. Hence, I felt sooooooooooo bad, I felt soooooooo guilty, I kept on bashing up myself, why am I so stupid and all that. I couldn't move on. It was only until she reassured me that it's fine because it was an honest mistake, and her superior hasn't found out about it which I hope she never will, then I felt a bit relieved and moved on a bit. Or else I'll never forgive myself. Then I have to keep reminding myself that, it's okay, she has forgiven you, you already removed it, no one is seeing it anymore. 

Sometimes I got too excited and post it on social media without giving much consideration, This reminded me of a funny statement by Will Smith. He said this in an interview. "I was dumb, but I was dumb in silent." Then he looked at his son sitting beside him. If you know what I meant =) 

Anyhow, the conclusion that I make for this experiment is: 
The rate of moving on is affected by the time taken to dwell in the past.

P.S, yesterday I just found out that my house cannot install convection oven. It requires 3 phase wiring, my house has only 1 phase. If I want to upgrade to 3 phase, I need to apply at SESB, which requires a complicated process and a consuming time to approve. So make sure your house can support your oven or any other big electrical appliances before buying them.

Bye convection oven =(   

Monday, July 17, 2017

My First Toastmaster's Speech

To become a toastmaster, you have to complete a series of assignment before you can earn the title.
As a new toastmaster, I'm doing the Competent Communicator manual, there are 10 speeches/assignments. My first assignment is called The Ice Breaker which is to introduce myself, as simple as that. Nevertheless, as simple as it may sound, it was not easy for me. I had panic attack before going to the meeting. Thank God I managed to finish the whole thing after a whole afternoon of practise.  So here it is. 

Competent Communicator 1 (CC1) The Ice Breaker : Me and Myself  

Good evening fellow toastmasters, hi my name is Winnee Raplin. I am a sino kadazan, I speak mandarin but not kadazan. (Audience laughed) I am 23 years old.

I am a little home baker who just started to venture into the world of business making this year. I love baking, baking makes me feel at ease plus my whole kitchen would smell like butter. (Audience laughed) For me, butter is the most fragrant smell in the entire world. I bake cheese tarts, savoury puffs and pies and cakes.

Baking is science, except that it is better, because you’ll get to eat the results! Without the right measurements and temperature, your baked goods won’t turn out the way it should be. Hence, baking is all about experimenting until you get the right taste and texture.

During my leisure time, I enjoy ballroom dancing. I started taking ballroom dancing lesson last year and I cherish every moment of it. Prancing around the dance floor with the flow of the Latino music makes me feel energized instantly.

Apart from baking, I would like to become a motivational speaker one day. To be frank, I am struggling with depression and anxiety. For the past 6 years, I’ve been living in the shadows of fear and worry. I was leading a furtive(word of the evening, everyone knocks the table) life. However, this year, I told myself I need a breakthrough. I need to step out of my comfort zone and do things which terrified me, which is attending social events like this. Since I had my illness, I was afraid to talk to strangers, I find it gruesome when I’m around with unfamiliar faces.

Therefore, joining SWEPA and SWEPA toastmaster would be the perfect platform for me to build up my confidence and self-esteem apart from meeting all the amazing women and men (audience laughed). These people had inspired me to become stronger and improve myself in various aspects.

My source of inspiration comes from Nick Vuhicic, an Australian motivational speaker born without arms and legs. Despite not having any limbs, Nick has found tremendous success by touching millions of lives with his incredible life journey. Hence, I wanted to emulate him and use my own story to inspire others as well as creating awareness about mental health issues.

Some of you might not be aware of this, according to the statistics of Malaysian Health Ministry, 1 in every 3 Malaysians is suffering from mental illness at some point of their lives and this number is increasing at an alarming state. So, I urge all of you to care more for each other and shower people around you with your love and blessings. A simple how are you or how is your day might change someone’s life. Aspire to inspire, that is one of my mission.

There is one crucial lesson that I have learnt from my sickness. “If you’re depressed, you are living in the past. If you’re anxious, you’re living in the future. If you’re at peace, you are living in the present.” I was always devastated because I dwell too much on my painful past experiences. At the same time, my excessive worrying made me stuck at the same situation over and over again, it was a never-ending exhausting cycle.

It was until I met my psychologist, then I learnt how to live in the present. She taught me about mindfulness and to accept things the way they are. Let’s keep this invaluable quote deeply ingrained in our hearts, “Yesterday is a history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift, that’s why it’s called present.”

Dear toastmasters and guest, 

Let’s appreciate what we have right now and let bygones be bygones. It is still never too late to start a new day with fresh hopes and dreams. Let’s remind ourselves that tomorrow is going to be just fine. 

Thank you.


Although I've memorized y speech so well, my nervousness caused me to forget some parts and I had to refer back my notes.


The theme is Go Green, hence the Pandan leaves. 
Thank God there was only about 20 people on that night, sometimes it can go up to 50 people on special occasion like the last meeting of the term.


Me receiving my first badge from Immediate Past President (IPP) Dora Voon, standing beside her is Vice President of Education (VPE) Dr. Amelia, who is a speech specialist.


My Evaluator was Tiffany, a guest from China's toastmaster's club. Sometimes we have guest around.
She said that I'm very brave for sharing my experience. VPE Amelia commented that my speech needed to be more organized which I had done so in my second speech. IPP Dora said I have good command in English. Since I'm a first timer, so they gave mostly good feedbacks. 
Anyhow there's a lot more improvement can be made. Thanks for all the wonderful feedback.

So yeah, all in all it was a good first speech experience. 
 Stay tuned for my second speech. 

If you wanna know more about toastmaster, click HERE to read it on my second blog.

Friday, June 30, 2017

I'm Officially a Driver! Part 2

Let's continue with my journey to get my driving license.

If you haven't read Part 1, you may click HERE.

The remaining driving lessons went out well, I'll just jump straight ahead to the driving final exam aka JPJ test in Malaysia.

Prior to the exam, I've been practicing using my mum's proton for a few weeks. I also practiced hard on the RPK and RSM. RPK is Rutin Pemeriksaan Kereta whereas RSM is Rutin Sebelum Memandu. I even went to the extent of recording my tutor when he's showing me the procedure of RPK, then I also searched online about the procedures and wrote out everything on paper. I practiced it with my mum in a remote area where no one sees us. You see how much effort I've put in? I never joke about exams, I take them seriously, like really serious, cause I don't wanna redo the whole thing over again, plus wasting money and time.

Taking a driving license was way different than back then. Back in 2011 when I first took my driving lessons, (yes, this was my second attempt) there's no such thing as RPK I mean there was, but we didn't have to memorize and show it to the JPJ examiner. We only had a short few hours workshop (bengkel) which the tutor demonstrate it to us and that's it. 

Ok, with full confidence on the RPK and RSM thing but not the driving part, cause I was still shaky when it comes to changing lane and going into roundabouts, I arrived at the driving institute very early.

The place was already thronged with drivers wannabe. I sat beside a lady. She broke the ice by asking me if this was my first time. I said yes. She replied this was her second try. According to her first experience, there were 40 plus students who failed in their first attempt. I was immediately taken aback. Man, this is tough! About 9 am, the JPJ examiners arrived, all looking pretty smart with their navy blue uniform. Most of them were wearing dark reflective glasses. It was totally Man In Black mode. 

The lady revealed to me that, some of them are lenient, some of them are strict, especially the lady officer. There was only one lady officer at sight. With my fingers crossed, I pleaded God not to give me the lady officer. 

The head JPJ officer started to assign students with the JPJ examiners. 
And guess what, I was assigned to that one and only lady Officer.
Thanks a lot, God.

With my heart pumpin' like a racing horse, I walked slowly towards my automatic Axia. 
The lady officer was quite big and tall, with a ponytail tied up nicely behind, her eyes were hidden behind those black glasses, I was intimidated by her whole look. After checking my details, with a stern voice, she told me to start. 

I put my handbag on top of the dusty car and started my well-memorized Rutin Pemeriksaan Kereta. I was so nervous that I dropped my handbag halfway during the routine. After I've done everything I could remember, then I told her I've finished. 

Her: Sudah check semua?
Me: Yea.

She wrote something on the paper. 

Her: Saya tolak 5 markah.  

Wait WHAT?! I looked at her astonishingly. What did I miss?

Her: Kamu lupa check ni hos air dan cara kamu check bateri salah, siapa suruh kamu buka tu bateri?
     
I was already getting tensed up.

Her: Ni, wiper....apa maksud ok?
Me : Dalam keadaan baik.
Her : Apa dalam  keadaan baik?
Me: Getah dia?
Her: Apa tu getah dia? Macam mana tau getah dia keadaan baik?
Me: Tidak tau......(tears started falling like water fall)
Her: Kenapa tidak tau?
Me: Tidak kena ajar. (sobbing like a baby)
Her: Kenapa kau nangis?
Me: Sebab kau garang.
Her: Ish, malas saya mau layan budak budak kecil macam kau.

Her non-stop questioning pushed me to my limits. I broke down instantly in front of everyone.
Can you imagine, every pair of eyes was set on you? I took my handbag and rushed towards the toilets in an instant.

I really didn't know how to answer her questions, I did everything as I was taught. Apparently what was taught by my tutor was different than she expected. I touch the rubber of the wiper, I said it was fine. I didn't expect more than that. That's why I cried.


My mood was totally ruined. I was trying really hard to calm myself down for the next test, the ramp. I sat there sullenly at the pondok while watching other students started their bukit test, tears won't stop dropping. I really wanna call my mother and go home at that moment. This was just too much for me. People with anxiety should have a specialyl assigned officer or something.

About half an hour later, my tear ducts had finally dry itself up and my name was called for the first test. For your information, manual car students don't have to do the ramp. Thank God I was given enough time to regain my composure. I took a deep breath and walked anxiously towards the ramp. Before we start our test, we need to do RSM, Rutin Sebelum Memandu, where you have to make sure everything is well adjusted and working including the seats, mirror, and lights. The lady officer was there too, I was still prayin' hard to God not to assign me to this fierce lady.

Thank God, I was assigned to a guy examiner. I did my RSM, then off I went with my first test in the circuit (litar). This guy officer was so much friendlier. Now, why can't that lady be more like him?

My ramp was fine, then followed by going up the hill (bukit). My front tyres were stopped directly on the yellow line. The third test was the side parking which was also perfectly done. The fourth one was "Z", continued by "tiga penjuru", and lastly "S". I passed every test smoothly with flying colours.

By the way, the "Z" and "S" didn't exist the last time I learned.

My mood turned so much better after knowing that I passed all the circuit test.

After that, it was the test on the route, real roads with real cars and real ass hole drivers! I got another guy examiner, Thank God he picked the easier route for me, Putatan route, where I didn't have to change on busy lanes and big busy roundabout like the one in Donggongon route.

I did my RSM, then started my journey with fingers crossed. Along the way, I drove at only 40km/h. Slow and steady like a turtle was my game. In this route, there was only 1 challenging part, the one at Putatan Matahari junction where I have to change lane to the main busy road. I did it pretty well.

The next thing I know, I was back at the driving institute, safe and sound. The guy examiner wrote something on the paper and passed it to me without saying much. With only one crucial question in my head, I passed the paper to the admin of the driving institute. The guy checked and calculate everything.

Me: Pass kah?
Him: Pass bah.
Me: YAYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (I was jumpin and prancin like I just won the 4D grand prize.)
Me: Saya ingat saya fail sudah tu masa RPK tadi sebab kena tolak banyak markah, turus saya nangis.
Another guy: Oh kau kah tu yang nangis, kau pigi tandas kan tadi.
Me: Yea.
Him: Kenapa kau nangis?
Me: Sebab saya tidak pandai jawab.
Him: Siapa tutor kau?
Me: Si XX. Tidak kena ajar yang ni dan tu.
Him: Oh bah, nanti kau tumbuk dia. (All of us giggles)

Nonetheless, the huge boulder on my shoulder was finally let go. It was a huge relieve, 15.5 hours plus additional at home practice definitely paid off.

I took my papers, went to the office and settled everything.
Little did I know that my mum was there all the time to watch me!
She even followed me secretly on the route. How cunning and lovely!

She told me that I was so much better than many other students, even the boys!
Hey, I'm better in driving than the boys?! That sounded unbelievable!
Now looking back, I was so proud of myself, I didn't quit, I didn't call my mama, I braved myself towards all the bumps both literally and figuratively that I've met along the journey to getting my driving license.

I know these might sound childish, immature, or just plain stupid to you, but for a person with depression and anxiety like me, overcoming these obstacles is a huge step for me. To you it might be just a small bump, but to me, it's Mount Kinabalu. I've always wanted to finish this task, 6 years ago I gave up because of my fear and I still regret it till now, I didn't go to the final JPJ test last time, I could have done it, but I was too afraid. RM666 and all those time and efforts were a pure waste.

Dear drivers wannabe out there, here's a tip, if you're not planning to drive a manual in the future, please consider signing up the automatic D, it may cost you about RM300 more, but it will definitely save you a lot of time, energy and money. I saw many students failed at bukit just because they can't balance their clutch and oil. They were given 3 attempts and still failed. Now they have to retake, pay more money and spend another excruciating day waiting. I'm so glad I took automatic cause I didn't have to wait that long for my turn, I heard some of the students wait until 4 pm till their turns. It was a long tiring wait, especially if you're doing it during bulan puasa. Imagine if it's a Friday, you'll have to wait for the Muslims to finish their prayer before they can continue their exam sessions.

Another tip, if possible, ask your tutor to arrange your JPJ test on a school holiday. Less car.
Thank God mine was on a school holiday.

Now that I'm an official driver, I can say hi to new found mobility and constant nagging in the car!

Also, give a pat to yourself for finishing this long post.
I just had to spit out everything =)


Thursday, June 29, 2017

I'm officially a driver! Part 1

After 15.5 hours of practice, few times of panic attacks, and a bucket of tears, finally I passed my driving test!

Driving was never my thing, I can cook, I can write, I can sing, but not handling heavy machinery. Oh and also numbers related tasks like maths and accounts, they are equally a pain in the ass.

Only my mother and God knew how much trouble I went through before the final test.
Every time before I went to the driving institute, I'll have panic attacks. The thought of having to drive a huge machine on dangerous roads scared the shit out of me, plus I'll have a total stranger sitting beside me in an enclosed space. The first and second time turned out not that bad because the tutor was quite friendly, let's call him tutor A. However, there's something not good about him too, will tell you more about that later.

It was until my third class, the manager of the institute decided to change my tutor. Let's name him tutor B. Tutor B was a short man, always looking smart wearing long sleeves button shirt even though he had to work under the hot sun. His signature was his red Boonie hat, you could easily spot him from far by just looking at that particular hat. 

Having to go through the entire "Oh-no-a-new-fierce-looking-stranger-in-my-car" thing again was not cool. Tutor B was not the friendly type, in the car, he was very quiet, also most likely assuming I knew everything. 

This is where my first tutor, tutor A's story came in.

Turned out, tutor A didn't teach me a lot of stuff! In fact, things that he taught me were all wrong and inadequate! He didn't make sure that I need to pull handbrake at certain places, he didn't remind me I need to use signals, even in the circuit(litar), he didn't tell me I need to horn every time I start and finish a task. He didn't teach me about the ramp, oh forgot to tell ya, if you learn automatic, you'll have an extra thing you need to do called the ramp. The whole point of the ramp is not to hit the pole while you go up and reverse from the front. That's it.

This website provides detailed explanation on driving lessons.

Tutor A was a really lousy tutor, I could have failed if I continue my remaining lessons with him, but thank God I didn't.

Back to tutor B, I didn't like him the moment he sat in my Axia. While I was doing my ramp, he assumed that I knew the procedure, which I didn't, he sounded kind of pissed. I got so tensed up, pressured and panicked that I mixed up the brake and oil, instead of the brake, I stepped on the accelerator. So guess what, I ran over the pole, right through it, it ended up right under the poor Axia. A loud "bang" was heard, I quickly became the center of attention in the circuit, many eyes were staring at me.

I got out of the car, completely dumbfounded, and broke down instantly.

At that particular juncture, all I wanna do was to leave, go home and never have to face him or the humiliation again.

Tutor B, who probably got shocked by the loud bang and my tears told me to cool down.
About 5 minutes later, after seeing me gaining my composure, he taught me the whole procedure of the ramp again, except that this time, with a slower and softer voice.  

I got back in the car, still sobbing and startled by the incident earlier, braved my second attempt on the ramp. This time I did it wonderfully.

And that's the story of how Winnee didn't quit for the first time. 

I gotta say, I'm so proud of myself that this time I didn't give up easily.
One of the reason was that I knew that if I quit again, I'll regret it for the rest of my life, plus RM1300 would be gone.

Stay tuned for Part 2, spoiler alert, it involved tears as well =)